Self-care vs. Alone Time

Sometimes I just want to be left alone. I don’t think some people understand exactly what I mean by that. Maybe because they aren’t a single mother and are with their child literally 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. No siblings for them to play with, no husband to help ease the exhaustion of the constant attention needed. No one else there to help with the weight of parenting a strong-willed child. All I wish for is some time alone to unwind and give my brain some quiet time so I can think. I can’t even focus any more it seems. I can make careless mistakes or even misplace things because I am always being interrupted.

Is it normal to feel guilty when you need some time alone?

Then after about 2 hours I am ready for her to come home. I literally feel like I don’t have a purpose without having her there to tend to her every need or want or you use that time to do something other than self-care. For example, you clean the house, catch up on the overflowing laundry, do the dishes that have been piled high in the kitchen sink for the past three days. Here is the real kicker, you even feel the need to clean and organizer HER playroom because you just can’t relax when the house is messy and things are in disarray. Then you’re all sweaty, you’ve actually worked instead of relaxing and now it’s time for her to come back. Angry at yourself for not taking the time alone for yourself, you feel anxious and stressed that you never got a mental or physical break even though you do feel a little better since the house is picked up and junk put away.

I feel like there is no blissful medium, for me at least. I’m either in dire demand for utter solidarity, which I’m normally horizontal for a period of 4-9 hours or I use the time to refresh and cleanse myself and home of dirt, clutter and bad energy with fresh linens, replenished toiletries and karate chopped throw pillows.

What I really desire is a two-night, three-day staycation somewhere close so in case there is a true emergency, like the grandparents not able to locate “Bunny”, her favorite stuffy, I could be reached. I would use one day to sleep, no cell phone or connection to the outside world. Shades drawn and total darkness with absolute piece and quiet. Day two would be foodie and hygiene day, get my favorite splurge meal and devour it in solitude without any disruptions or questions by someone needing something. Then I would take a long scolding hot shower and do all the things one does when you don’t have a time limit, heel scrub, lower leg exfoliators, try the at home wax kit you got last Christmas, maybe even give a go at the new contouring video you saw online and actually dry your hair and style it. Then put on clean comfy stretch pants and your softest graphic-t and binge watch all the shows you never get to watch at home. Your toes are spread and divided with cotton balls and you’ve got your foot and leg contorted trying to paint those hammer toes. After some self-care, you feel accomplished and are either hungry again or ready for a nap. The best part is though, it doesn’t matter what you do because you’re alone and giving your mind, body and emotional well-being some time to unwind and recharge, feel like you again. It’s so important for wholesome welfare so when you return to your chaotic household you will be able to tackle whatever comes at you.